Acceptance and Change (your clothes!)

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Acceptance and Change (your clothes!)


first posted 8/7/13

Welcome to the middle way....

I am a DBT therapist, which means that I work with Dialectics.  What is that?  I always think of the closely related word: dialogue.  A dialectic is the interchange between two extremes.  Usually it is a "thesis" and it's "anti-thesis" coming together in "synthesis."  

The shorter definition is the middle, or "both / and...."

So a central dialectic in DBT is: ACCEPTANCE and CHANGE

A student of mindfulness practices radical acceptance, while also being responsible and accountable for change in her life.

So what the heck does this have to do with EXPRESSING YOUR TRUTH?

I have mentioned before that I experience and observe times when this process of trying to discover the truth about one's temperament (or type), in order to wear the right clothing to express it, becomes rather like the spin cycle!


Over and over again, I see women rub up against their shadow and resist recognizing aspects of themselves they'd rather not see. .. and it usually starts with watching myself do that.  

 I keep making the point in my facebook group that if you decide your type and it means that you continue dressing the same way you are already comfortable with, then why are you doing this?   Prepare yourself to look at yourself as a whole, non-judgmentally.  What is it that you may be repressing and thus resisting?  Can you allow that to show?  It may just be the aspects you dread that once you accept, you will become authentic.  I know that the aspects of myself that I repress always find a way to come out sideways, anyway.

So, accept who you are in totality when you look for your type (or season), and then change (your clothes!).


Update

Beginner's Mind

This blog, for me, has been a research receptacle.  I just like cataloging what I learn as I go.  More and more, I stumble upon a lot of opinions and even competition between theories and systems.  I have learned a lot, but I will never be done.  That is how I like to learn.  It's why I like astrology, you can never be done learning about it.  I like considering different perspectives, but with a looseness that doesn't require too tight of a commitment, and doesn't preclude truth being in several sources.


Mindfulness Videos

5 comments :

S WC said...

Interesting. Could the resistance be because of doubt? We're afraid of making mistakes and then having to undo them? I know it's life. Nothing is 100% sure.

Many of these courses are so definitive about if you follow the process then it works. But at the same time, they are leaving it up to you to figure out for yourself what your traits are.

I heard a movie star say once: the true test of what she looks like to others is to take a picture of herself and then stand back and see how she looks. She stated this technique never failed her. Whereas before she would look at herself in a 3 way mirror and still have a skewed/biased way of seeing how she appeared.

She now takes pictures with her cell phone camera to see how she looks.

I wonder if this idea of taking pictures of oneself in the raw could be a way to get more accuracy in determining their physicality.

Have any thoughts on this?

Jane Rekas, LCSW, CHt said...

Yes, resistance from doubt or fear is common. I'm thinking more about resistance out of arrogance covering up shame about something repressed.

I do dislike the definitiveness without a definitive assessment.

Many of the crowd that are doing this fashion stuff get addicted to pics of themselves.

I have a few pics of myself in skivvies, for "befores" and they make me pretty sick. :p

SWriter said...

Hi Jane, I heard this podcast with Isaac Mizrahi. I think he hit on the issue why so many people don't want to change their style.

I agree that the key is about "accepting" and honoring your own choices. Maybe many aren't just ready to do that.

Actually, your skill as a therapist compliments this process as I do think that change and acceptance is deeper than just choosing clothes based on internal and external harmonies.

Here's the podcast and note what he says about determining what style is and trusting one's instincts in mixing clothes.

http://designobserver.com/feature/isaac-mizrahi/38792/

Cornflower Pink said...

Jane, I hear what you're saying but my interpretation of it is adding to my confusion. How can one determine type, tone and choosing a palette when their are so many conflicting theories out there? How can one authentically dress and be who they are with such a vast array of options? My three sisters and I all have dark brown hair and deep, dark brown eyes but I know we each are different temperaments. One is so obviously a phlegmatic - softened look as a child and all the rest - but summer colors wipe her out (she almost looks Italian). She's been typed a winter but her temperament is not. Do you believe that temperament and color season are always connected?
Thanks or bringing this up.

Jane Rekas said...

Keep in mind that when I originally wrote this, I was only talking about type, not season. Thus it's really more about the chroma that expresses the 4 temperaments. It does become far more complicated and confusing when we look at the range and variety of seasonal color systems, which often move away from considering personality, except as an afterthought. Siblings can, of course, look very similar and yet be different temperaments. Sometimes this is accomplished by a flip of 2/4 vs. 4/2, etc. Same combination of two with different dominant. As for a "summer" not looking good in summer color because of contrast, remember the option of a contrasting summer (Color Alliance and Donna Fujii).

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12 Seasonal Palette Makeovers 12 Seasonal Palettes Autumns 12 Seasonal Palettes Springs 12 Seasonal Palettes Summers 12 Seasonal Palettes Winters 12 seasons 16 Color System 24 seasons 3 in 30 Challenge 365grateful 4 humors acceptance acceptance and change access accessories adjectives advanced style aeppli Air air hair air signs air style Alyce Parsons analytical Angel Angela Wright anger Animal Prints apple body shape apps Archetypes artisan soul arty-offbeat asian ASTRO-TYPE STYLE REPORT AstroFaces Astrolada Astrology astrology collages astrology ebook astrology look-alikes astrology planets aura Aura Reading for Jane authentic happiness Autumn autumn jewelry Autumn personalities Awakening Beauty banana BANGS Battle of Star Wars and Star Trek Beauty beauty code Beauty for All Seasons beauty for you before DYT BFAS Bill and Tom Kaulitz bitstrips black Blacks blogoversary blue steel body color guide body colors body shape body shapes body types bold book summaries Books Borg Brain Types bright spring bright winter bright winter jewelry brown Butler button nose cafe press Callaway capsule wardrobe Carole Jackson casual cats Cayce Caygill celebrities celebrity eyes chakras change change your clothes characters child whisperer Childhood children Chinese Elements Chinese Elements and Chinese Face Reading Chinese Face Reading Cho Choleric Choleric Rabbit chroma classic-elegant clear spring clear spring jewelry clear spring vs clear winter clear winter clear winter jewelry closet closet apps Closet Draping closet organization clothes refashion CMAS Cognitive Functions color Color Alliance color analysis timeline color analysts Color for Body and Soul Color Me a Season Color Me Beautiful color me beautiful uk color meanings color oops color palettes color profiles Color Psychology color symbolism Color Systems color tester color theory color wheel Color With Style colors by seasons colors for signs Colors from my eye colors from your eye colorstrology compassion compassionate competence concave Conflict confused consultants map Contrast Contrasting Azure Summer contrasting summer convex Cookie Lee cool cool summer Cool Summer 30 Day Challenge cool summer jewelry cool summer lipstick cool summer vs cool winter cool vs. warm cool winter cool winter jewelry coral Core Essensce Blueprinting core values cosmetic tattooing cosmetics crystals curve curviplex Dario Nardi dark autumn dark autumn jewelry dark autumn vs dark winter dark winter dark winter jewelry dbt deep autumn deep winter deep winter jewelry deep winter soft depression determining face shape Dilemma DISC DISC and DYT diy couture Dominant Functions Donner downloads Dr. Hauscka Dragon Princess Dramatic dramatic-exotic drapes draping dream light Dressing Your Truth Dye dynamic dyt DYT and DISC early springs earrings Earth earth hair earth signs earth style Earthy/Rich eBook elea blake Elements Elsa Klensch energetics Energetics of Jewelry energy enneagram enthusiast entrance Essence Essential Colors 5 Elements System Essential Oils evening wear exotic-dramatic Eye Diagrams eye drape eye pics Eye Types eyebrows Eyes Eyeshadow EYT Facebook Group fabric face reading Face Shape facebook fast Facebook Groups Faces of Jane facial features facial profiles Facial Profiling Fae Fairy Tale family fan books fans Fantastical Beauty faq Fashion and Mental Health fashion apps Fashion Astrology fashion code Fashion Feng Shui Fashion Feng Shui Quizzes Fashion for the Soul fast fashion feminine-romantic feminity Feng Shui Appearance Elements figure 8 figure types filters Find Your Perfect Shade find your season fingernails Fire fire hair fire light fire signs fire style First Base flip flops Food Cravings FORUMS Foundation four humors Four or Twelve? four type systems freckles free downloads friend gems glasses Goddesses gods and goddesses grandparents gratitude greek greek nose green closet green eyes hair hair and eyes hair by season hair by the signs hair color hair for air hair for earth hair for fire hair for water Hair Ideas Halloween hangers hawk nose healing height Heritage Hiatus High School Hispanics history of color analysis hometown horses Host a Mary Kay Party hourglass How do you find your self how not to wear black how systems differ how to photograph your eye how to take eye pics how to wear black Human Design Human Design Channels Humors hypnosis iconoclast IlluminEssensce IlluminEssensce Cosmetics Imogen Lamport India Arie INFJ ingenue inner child inspiration intention intuition Intuitive Reading for Jane Invent Your Image Irenee Riter iridology jeans jeans by style Jennifer Butler Jesse and Joe jewelry jewelry shape Jewelry Storage Jeweltone Summer Justine Leconte Kati L Moore Kaulitz twins Kentner Kibbe Kitchener Ladee Lyon lavender lemon Life in Color light spring light spring jewelry light spring vs light summer light spring vs soft autumn light summer light summer jewelry light summer lipstick Limbo lineal linear links lip drape lip samples lippies Lipstick Lively/Bright look-alikes love styles Lucky Guide Maenad Magic Queen makeover assists Makeovers by Mary Kay makeup makeup samples man manicure marianne williamson Mary Kate and Ashley Mary Kay Eyeshadow Mary Kay I am no longer a Rep Mary Kay Makeup by season Mary Kay makeup by skin tone masculinity MBTI MBTI and Seasons mbti and type McJimsey media Melancholic Melancholic Eeyore men mens color and style Mermaid Metal mindful of our makeup mindfulness modesty mom mood Moon morning light morphology Morton My Astrology my DISC My Face My Favorite iPhone Apps My husband Greg my janeaology My Relationship my season My Smile my type my zyla colors nail polish nails names of seasons necklaces necklines neutrals new glasses and hair New Years Nine Star Ki Number Northrup noses not so girly numerology Nymph Oakland Olsen twins OOTD organization outlyers oval oval face overleaves overleaves Jane Padma Painterly Photoshops palette palette draping palettes pants hangers paperdolls parenting pattern Paulos pear body shape Peggy perfectionism Personal Style Counselors personal updates personalit vs temperament personality personality plus Pflaumer ph and Women's Health Phlegmatic Phlegmatic Winnie the Pooh photo camera lenses photoshop alternatives physical traits pinterest Planetary Influence on Appearance and Personality planets plus size plus size dramatic plus size shopping political satire polyvore presidents profile profiles prom PSC psychopathy pure purpose purposeful color Question from reader quiz quotes rabbit hole radiance reader comment readers comment recognizing people Red for everyone redheads reflections reinventing your wardrobe Research Rising Sign Appearance Riter Rohm roman nose Romantic rosemary Round Round Face Shape Sanguine Sanguine Roo Sanguine Tigger Scarlett Johansson scarves Sci Art Science of Personal Dress season and style season comparisons season jewelry Seasonal Color Analysis systems seasonal color palette products seasons seasons in styles seasons vs types Second Base Secondary Energies Seer Segerstrom self-deprication self-esteem self-love semantics Serrahna seven soul type faces sewing sexy-alluring shaded Shape Energetics shapes shoe refashion shoes shop by color Shop Online short hair signacard Silhouette Sinclaire sizing charts skin tone Skin Tones by Season Smiles socionics socionix soft autumn soft autumn jewelry soft autumn vs soft summer Soft or Cool Summer Soft Summer soft summer deep soft summer jewelry soft summer lipstick soft winter Songer Soul Collage soul essences soul tone spirituality sporty-casual Spray Paint for Leather Spring spring jewelry Spring personality spruce Standish Star star light Star Trek Star Wars steiner strawberry Striking/Contrast stripes style style consult style icons Style Like U Style Secondaries styles Subtle/Blended Summer summer jewelry Summer Makeup Summer personality Sun sunglasses swatch books swatches Sweets system T4 tailoring Taylore B. 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