Acceptance and Change (your clothes!)

first posted 8/7/13

Welcome to the middle way....

I am a DBT therapist, which means that I work with Dialectics.  What is that?  I always think of the closely related word: dialogue.  A dialectic is the interchange between two extremes.  Usually it is a "thesis" and it's "anti-thesis" coming together in "synthesis."  

The shorter definition is the middle, or "both / and...."

So a central dialectic in DBT is: ACCEPTANCE and CHANGE

A student of mindfulness practices radical acceptance, while also being responsible and accountable for change in her life.

So what the heck does this have to do with EXPRESSING YOUR TRUTH?

I have mentioned before that I experience and observe times when this process of trying to discover the truth about one's temperament (or type), in order to wear the right clothing to express it, becomes rather like the spin cycle!

Over and over again, I see women rub up against their shadow and resist recognizing aspects of themselves they'd rather not see. .. and it usually starts with watching myself do that.  

 I keep making the point in my facebook group that if you decide your type and it means that you continue dressing the same way you are already comfortable with, then why are you doing this?   Prepare yourself to look at yourself as a whole, non-judgmentally.  What is it that you may be repressing and thus resisting?  Can you allow that to show?  It may just be the aspects you dread that once you accept, you will become authentic.  I know that the aspects of myself that I repress always find a way to come out sideways, anyway.

So, accept who you are in totality when you look for your type (or season), and then change (your clothes!).


Beginner's Mind

This blog, for me, has been a research receptacle.  I just like cataloging what I learn as I go.  More and more, I stumble upon a lot of opinions and even competition between theories and systems.  I have learned a lot, but I will never be done.  That is how I like to learn.  It's why I like astrology, you can never be done learning about it.  I like considering different perspectives, but with a looseness that doesn't require too tight of a commitment, and doesn't preclude truth being in several sources.

Mindfulness Videos


SWriter said…
Interesting. Could the resistance be because of doubt? We're afraid of making mistakes and then having to undo them? I know it's life. Nothing is 100% sure.

Many of these courses are so definitive about if you follow the process then it works. But at the same time, they are leaving it up to you to figure out for yourself what your traits are.

I heard a movie star say once: the true test of what she looks like to others is to take a picture of herself and then stand back and see how she looks. She stated this technique never failed her. Whereas before she would look at herself in a 3 way mirror and still have a skewed/biased way of seeing how she appeared.

She now takes pictures with her cell phone camera to see how she looks.

I wonder if this idea of taking pictures of oneself in the raw could be a way to get more accuracy in determining their physicality.

Have any thoughts on this?
Jane Leu Rekas said…
Yes, resistance from doubt or fear is common. I'm thinking more about resistance out of arrogance covering up shame about something repressed.

I do dislike the definitiveness without a definitive assessment.

Many of the crowd that are doing this fashion stuff get addicted to pics of themselves.

I have a few pics of myself in skivvies, for "befores" and they make me pretty sick. :p
SWriter said…
Hi Jane, I heard this podcast with Isaac Mizrahi. I think he hit on the issue why so many people don't want to change their style.

I agree that the key is about "accepting" and honoring your own choices. Maybe many aren't just ready to do that.

Actually, your skill as a therapist compliments this process as I do think that change and acceptance is deeper than just choosing clothes based on internal and external harmonies.

Here's the podcast and note what he says about determining what style is and trusting one's instincts in mixing clothes.
Unknown said…
Jane, I hear what you're saying but my interpretation of it is adding to my confusion. How can one determine type, tone and choosing a palette when their are so many conflicting theories out there? How can one authentically dress and be who they are with such a vast array of options? My three sisters and I all have dark brown hair and deep, dark brown eyes but I know we each are different temperaments. One is so obviously a phlegmatic - softened look as a child and all the rest - but summer colors wipe her out (she almost looks Italian). She's been typed a winter but her temperament is not. Do you believe that temperament and color season are always connected?
Thanks or bringing this up.
Jane Leu Rekas said…
Keep in mind that when I originally wrote this, I was only talking about type, not season. Thus it's really more about the chroma that expresses the 4 temperaments. It does become far more complicated and confusing when we look at the range and variety of seasonal color systems, which often move away from considering personality, except as an afterthought. Siblings can, of course, look very similar and yet be different temperaments. Sometimes this is accomplished by a flip of 2/4 vs. 4/2, etc. Same combination of two with different dominant. As for a "summer" not looking good in summer color because of contrast, remember the option of a contrasting summer (Color Alliance and Donna Fujii).