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Sunday, July 17, 2011

I took my mom out for dinner and the topic of this blog came up in conversation.  She asked me "why do you care about how you look?"  I guess it's a fair question. She bought Dressing Your Truth by Carol Tuttle, because she had asked me if there was a subject we could bond about.  I sort of had to prod her to read it and I'm certain it won't be changing her fashion sense any time soon.  And that's ok. 
 I've been interested in fashion since adolescence, when I would buy fashion magazines and watch Style with Elsa Klensch.  I used to draw fashion designs when I was very young, but gave that up eventually. 
I really struggled with being poor.  As a child, we didn't have money.  I work as a social worker, so I've never had the money it would take to actually wear the fashions of my fantasies.  I also won't spend money that I do have on anything full price, which ultimately ends up costing on quality at times.
I have a half-sister, Ama Leu, who became an international print model.

When I was very young, my mother seemed like a goddess to me.  I thought she was quite beautiful and she has aged very gracefully.  I have always looked younger than my age as well.  During my adolescence, my mother and I both went through hard emotional times.  Our potential beauty was affected.  I developed a life long weight problem.

I wrote about my difficult high school years in my autobiography (here). 

I guess I have always felt like my beauty potential was teasing me.  Like it was always somehow slightly out of reach, but beckoning me to wonder if there was more to be expressed.

There is so much more I could say, but I can't seem to find the words.  To be continued....

Jane Rekas
Written by Jane Rekas

Jane Leu Rekas, LCSW, CHt, writes a blog about seasonal color analysis and the four humors. She is certified in Color Me A Season color analysis and does Color Profiles individualized fabric fans online and in Hood River, Oregon.

4 comments

  1. Your blog is looking great... I will bookmark this.

    Veronica
    hcg for weightloss

  2. Jane says:

    thank you Veronica

  3. That last bit, about your beauty potential teasing you is something I really relate to, myself. I longed to be beautiful as an adolescent and would devour Seventeen magazine and the like, but had no idea what to do with myself.

    Now, it pleases me very much to have found ways to enjoy what I see in the mirror, despite being overweight.

  4. Jane says:

    Yes, Jeanine, I think I'm not alone in spending adolescence obsessed with beauty magazines; that's who they prey on. And it's good to not be alone now in this part of our journeys.

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