Deciders = Pain, Observers = Fear

All the types I've considered have been observers, and I still might be one, but this video makes me wonder if I'm a decider (IxxP).  I'm going to request the OP service in October.  But for now, I'm just trying to feel out the possibilities.  So this video made me consider my worst character traits, my shadow.  I have deep pain about both parents essentially not wanting me.  Most of the time I'm ok now, but if that nerve gets touched, I do admit to lashing out.  So... no spiders in my childhood room.

I made these little clips a little while ago.  I thought I was Fe.  And I've been told I'm Se.

Fi and Fe
My original type I thought I was was INTJ, then INFJ, then said probably not.
I thought I was Fe because my mother was Fi, and we both have poor social skills / manners.
I was judging her about being rude in public, so I get judging and controlling about being appropriate in public.  I think I'm over compensating.  I think politeness is a value.  I am aware of whether others are happy, but I'm not really naturally polite.  I force myself to learn how to fake being nice. I'm capable of being mean I overcontrol it, by the value of "don't be mean."  I'm wondering if I'm Fi, with Te (lower on the stack) and then Se and Ni.  But I always thought I was an inferior Se.  I was typed by INTJ/INFP Coffee as dominant Se.

I have been typed as dominant Se.
Where is Se in my stack?  I had an analysis where they said I was ENFP with Se dominant and it just doesn't feel possible.  But the reason is, since for a long time I thought I was INTJ and then INFJ, both have inferior Se, and I had a pretty good story in my head about that not being true for me (having Se dominant).  I am not athletic, I walk into tables all the time and get bruises on a regular basis, I also lose things all the time (don't know if that has to do with it or not).  The biggest thing is I'm not comfortable, I'm never never comfortable.  So the biggest thing is I'm a highly sensitive person, I like that category.  Does that mean inferior Se? or could someone with dominant Se have like so much awareness of their senses, and taking in too much other of their surroundings, of stimuli, that thy were uncomfortable all the time from that.

I might also have Te Demon.

... but hey, don't listen to me, EXPRESS YOUR TRUTH! Jane

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